My Insperations

Everyone inspires me well I try to find something inspiring in every person I meet, everyone has a story & I’m lucky enough to know so many people with so many interesting story’s.

My biggest inspirations come from people who no matter who they are what they have been through or where they come from. People who do things regardless of age or what they know they cant do or face daily challenges yet they still have the guts to help others & make a difference to the world.

I thought this would be a interesting topic to write about as I have so many amazing friends & idols so here goes, I’m going to start off with fandom related ones then move on to others.

One of my biggest inspirations right now is Jennifer Morrison, Jen doesn’t only seem the nicest person to meet she’s always trying to help a cause somewhere, she also battled skin caner so for someone going through a illness its really inspiring to see how much she has done and she made me realize that it doesn’t matter how old you are  to what you have done in your life compared to everyone around you.

I cant mention Jenifer without mentioning the rest of the once cast, they’ve all inspired me in 1 way or another, I think its really important to have idols who are older than you because they have experienced things you haven’t.

Rose Reynolds has taught me not to be so serious and to stop caring what people think, Colin O’donughue makes me believe that there is good in the world. Both Lana Parrilla and Rebecca Mader have taught me the beauty of friendship. Emma Booth has made realize how positive thinking really does work. Emilie De Ravin has taught me to enjoy everything around me.

Josh Dallas and Ginnifer Goodwin have taught me that true love really does exist but

most importantly Alison Fernandez has taught that age isn’t a barrier, to throw yourself into anything that interests you. This is the most important one as she’s so young.

Talking of young people the amount of young teenage actress’s' are incredibly fearless these people will stand up for anything obviously these girls have got confidence or they couldn't do what they do but it's made me think about me at that age I had no clue about anything going on the world let alone to actually speak up about it, I have lived in bubbles my entire life I’m not exactly sure why but I do know that until lately I had no clue about anything (I still don’t about most things)

I only started living in the real world last year, If I’m honest I’m no best at sticking up for myself or stating my opinions mostly because people disagree then start arguments. I’ve got enough going on without all that so I don’t bother.

To me for someone to be able to have the guts to say no this is wrong to not be afraid of making it right & to be able to face up to the worlds problems being so free & open about it no matter how big or small the problem is amazes me especially so young.

These girls have more bottle than grown men & I don't know if its just based on what they feel is right or if its something else that’s made them this way, its probably just down to confidence.

The main people I’m talking about here are the ANNE (Anne with a E) main girls,Rowan Blanchard, Isabel Cliffton,Isabel Allen, Polly Allen,Kia Pegg ,Annabelle Davis, Mia MBruce, Emily Burnett and I’m sure there are more but I’m terrible with names so I cant think right now.



Another 2 who are older but I feel I should mention are Genevieve Angelson and Emma Watson, I found Genevieve’s instagram after watching Good Girls revolt her IG is filled with positive inspirational quotes, this makes me really happy whenever I seen her posts but she’s also a activist and its really inspiring to see all the things she gets up to.

As for Emma she’s also a massive activist, she writes some amazing speeches but is also  able to give really powerful deliveries of them. Emma is also someone who not only fights for what’s right but is also a really hard worker which I look up a lot to alot as I feel I also am.

One of my recent inspirations is Lisa Swallow a author who also suffered ME when she was younger, the main reason for this is because right now most of the time I don’t feel like I will ever achieve anything or do anything at all. So its amazing to see someone achieving their dreams. Im also a massive writer so this makes me really happy, its obvious to see she sometimes struggles but is obviously  able to have some sort of normal life as well.

I can’t mention inspiration’s without mentioning Lewis Hine, Lewis has been through so much  but still finds the time to help others despite his daily challenges its also really good to see people sharing their stories and spreading awareness for their disabilities.  I also cant mention Lewis without mentioning all the incredible people I follow online who have accounts for their illness’s. These people inspire me everyday in so many ways and any parents doing the same thing including my mother.

There are probably a lot more people I could mention in  this but I also think I also covered a lot of what I could say here in my Fandom blog, there isn’t really I need for this blog I just thought it would be fun to think and then write about.

How Fandoms have helped me during recovery

For someone who spends most of her time at home I pride myself on not over watching television, as I think most people if they found themselves in my situation would watch alot more films and T.V. I’m also sure that some people without chronic illness or any illness watch more stuff than me on a daily basis, I hate resting in my opinion its the devil in disguise telling me I cant do anything useful or anything at all when I so desperately want to do something but T.V,films & fandoms have helped me immensely with distraction & weirdly make me feel useful, films & books have the power to take you somewhere else, the power to make you believe in the in the unbelievable. For someone who lives a lot of her life in pain being taken to another world even only for half a hour is even more powerful to be able to escape reality for a bit. Audiobooks gave me back my imagination because I’ve been able to play stories out in my head even when I cant read so it gets my brain working even on days when I cant do much.

Being able to make friends with people all over the world who like the same T.V shows and films as me has also been a great distraction having people to get excited about is always fun even being in small ransoms and doing it alone is also great fun.  Being housebound means you don’t get a lot, you have little fun see the same people day in day out to be able to have excitement over something even something small like a TV show getting picked up or getting another season or films getting released  becomes a massive deal. My faverouite thing to do right now is to try to watch films before there sequels come out, read or listen to books before watching their films. Its given me a massive reading/listening list but that excites me more than anything.

 I got to the point of not being able to write but I found I could make art.

I started with actual posters then moved on to try to create my own posters which gave me a lot of joy as well as also giving me something to do, its also something I would like to take further if I ever get the chance. I’ve also done quite a lot of lyric video editing again not only giving me something to do but I really enjoy doing it. I’m also hoping to take that further,Iv’e done all this alone and off my own back experimenting with different things to see  what works. I know what works now but its very simple so I would like to make it more complicated and make them more  interesting as some of them are quite boring to watch so with my next ones I plan to do more experimenting and see if I can better myself in any way.

it’s not just the films & T.V its the people in them or who work on them, I have tons of idols all for different reasons, the  internet gives you power to watch interviews & find out things that you wouldn’t have been able to do years ago.

Watching Celebrities live videos or youtube videos allows you to get to know them & it also gives you the power to be able to have your art noticed by the people playing your favourite characters 

I did Dressember in December, one of my posts was a picture of me playing tennis the caption being “ dressember day 11 this is probably 1 of the best dressember photos I have, I suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome  which leaves me wheelchair bound most of the time so being able to play bat & ball was a really big deal for me” I didn’t want to make it to long because I felt like I didn’t really need to and no one really wants to read a massive assay on my life whilst scrolling through IG.

My post was then commented on by 1 of the organisers and re posted on the Dressember  their caption on the repost was “Out inspiration today comes from @blue.ayed.swan_ for how she is using the dressember style challenge to prove to herself that you can do anything in a dress” this will always stick out to me because I was really scared of posting about my illness on my fan account I’m not sure why probably mostly because its a fan account but this made me feel so much better about myself just the fact that people who didn’t even know me seemed to partly understand me & how hard I was trying.

Part of my story was also posted on the Swan princess website in on of there blogs talking about all the art and lyric videos I was making, this gave me a lot of confidence that I didn’t have before ,encouraged me to keep going and gave me a sense of pride that I really didn’t have before. I struggle with confidence a great deal but this really did boost me up

When anyone comments on any of my edits it gives me such a boost, just to feel people are enjoying them means the world especially when they have taken a really long time to make.

I’m completely obsessed with fairytales/fantasy stories which hasn’t helped a great deal in one way but in another its been such a blessing. I began to watch Once upon a time about a year and a half ago, its made me laugh & cry so much but given me so much hope for my own life. Especially the character of Emma, Emma lives half her life alone with hardly anyone around her Henry finds her then brings her to Storybrooke where she finds her family but also realizes she’s a hero which is something she struggles to except. At the start of the show Emma has no confidence at all but she starts to believe in herself  by the end of series 6 she’s married pregnant and she knows who she is and has finally stopped being scared of it. Another once character who is one of my favourite’s is Regina/the evil queen . Regina finds a way to except and make up for her past mistakes

I mostly watch Children’s T.V including Hetty Feather, The worst Witch, the dumping ground and various others when they happen to be on being ill has made me more emotional as a person I also now get stressed a lot more easily so the only half dramatic shows I can watch are ones made for children as I can cope with the drama elements and they don’t effect me to much if at all. I also love watching anything with Dominic Littlewood that man has been through this journey with me yet we haven’t ever met his shows have kept me sane and weirdly given me a education even if its not the curriculum. Its still been learning. At Christmas I watched a lot of cooking shows or factory shows showing you how things are made which I also really loved. I also watched every series of Miranda which I really enjoyed.

Lately I’ve been trying to watch all the old classic Disney films, I watched a documentary on Walt Disney and it was interesting hearing about all the old stuff that I don’t really remember because I watched them so young, this makes resting (the thing I hate most) interesting. Most of them are so clever to their time  especially Mary Poppins with the animation within the real images, it wasn’t the greatest animation but for that time it was pretty amazing.

I spend hours listening to T.V and film sountracks,they make me so happy and just music in general I tend to listen to the same things over and over but I really love 5SOS and they make me laugh so much which makes me forget everything that’s going on.

Recovery & food

This seems like a really stupid thing to making a blog post on but if you know me well enough you will know about my love for food.

I can't get out or walk around alot,I will admit I eat alot especially when I'm not feeling well or feeling upset anyway the year before last I got diagnosed as pre diabetic it scared everyone including me unfortunately this was also just before Christmas so all the Christmas chocolate was on the shelves I honestly thought my life was over junk food was one of my only comforts on bad days (it sounds dumb but it was true)

It also made me feel like I was fat, I am compared to most people but that's not from choice that's from not being able to exercise & the steroids I take daily making me look puffy (especially in the face) but that doesn’t help when you are already not that confident & I'd never really thought about it before then. I know it now but I don't really care that much as I am doing everything I can possibly do & I know I can't do anymore than I already am.

I tried eating healthy & if I'm honest I didn't think my diet was that awful even though it probably was at the time.
Salads to me sounded very boring to me a salad is just cucumber tomatoes & lettuce but you can make them interesting & I do eat quite alot of salad & fruit now or at least I try to some days it just does not  happen.

I struggle most with sugar as I'm always so exhausted & sugar is a quick fix for my problem to be honest I think that's how I ended up with the pre diabetes, that along with not being able to move around much or get out.

I can't get most of my tablets because they are all replacing things I don't have in my body but I can get off my diabetic medication which I plan to do although it's gonna take alot of perseverance as I know I still don't eat the best sometimes but I have learnt that nothing is going to make a gigantically bad impact in small amounts & that I probably small doses of bad stuff anyway so I don’t worry a much as I used to but its been a big part of my life the past year or so. 

How social media has helped with my recovery

I have a lot of online friends, I have more online friends than I have friends that I could meet up with on a daily, weekly or monthly basis as most of my internet friends live in different countries. I really want to meet them at some point but at this current time it is pretty impossible. I also have internet friends who do live more locally but again I cant really travel, any travelling of any sort would have to be well thought out with tons of preparation even if it was only a few hours away.

Although I may never get to meet some of these friends or may spend little time with them I feel very lucky to have them in my life & to be able to share my experiences with them as most of them also suffer chronic illnesses or health conditions. People always tell you not to talk to strangers online because they could be creeps, this is true  you do need to be extremely careful but for someone  who can’t get out being able to talk to people even if you cant see them makes a huge positive impact.

Social media has given me a platform where I don’t feel so alone, I can see others going through the same as me & it makes me feel a lot less isolated I got to a point where I felt like none at all understood me and that no one felt the same so I created a chronic illness instagram account this has really helped me except that I am ill and that it doesn’t have to be all bad.

Seeing others posts allows me to see what has worked for them but also allows me to give advice to others as well as receiving it, this makes me feel sort of useful, I’m also currently trying to get involved in as many chronic illness projects as I can,Ive just finished writing a piece for a book a chronic illness website is putting together. This website isn’t finished yet but seeing it all come together really excites me, there plan is to create online groups within the website that you can join, I’m not currently really apart of anything because I can hardly get out but this is going to give me a chance to talk to more people, make more friends, feel even less isolated and hopefully work with some of these people on projects or listen to their stories making me able to write stories about chronic illness that are more accurate to real life.

Support groups/ websites are really helpful and useful to a lot of people for many reasons but I do really feel that without them mentally I would definitely be in much worse place.   

Having some sort of idea of these peoples stories gives me more hope for my own,Ive said it before but at some point I would love to write other peoples stories either as real stories or use them in fictional ones. It’s made me be more open about my struggles and less scared of them.

I would also like to shout out all my fandom friends who have also been so sweet and supportive and seem to understand me when I explain what is going on in my life. All the people who have messaged me or commented on things when I’m sharing my struggles or achievements and for constantly being there but also for being friends that the reason we are friends isn’t because of illness but because we share the same interests, being able to have something else to focus on & talk about works great as a distraction so having this is really good for me,I don’t open up to a lot of people especially if they aren’t facing the same or similar things but you guys have been really good to me you’re family.

If any of my online friends are reading this weather you be from a chronic illness page or a fandom friend first off I love you more than you could ever know, thank you for cheering me on from afar, thank you for being some of the only people who ask after me and for being their. I hope if we haven’t met that one day we do get to meet. I also hope that if we have met that we get to spend more time together one day, probably when I’m more awake so I don’t fall asleep in your presence. I hope I have been able to lift you up as much as you have me, if I haven’t I hope one day I do.