I've been starting to feel alot better lately but it struck me that I've been ill for so long that I didn't know who I was anymore,I slept for pretty much 2 years & that's no exaggeration then I started getting better a bit but I still couldn't so much. Lately I've been up at night because my brain is to active to sleep I never thought that would be happening again. I've been reading an awful lot at night to make myself tired enough to sleep which does work but for someone who's been so exhausted its hard to understand.
I started thinking about who I was who I used to want to be & tried to figure out who I wanted to be now. Its sad but I pretty much pressumed I'd feel as ill as before forever so there wasn't much point in planning anything also everytime I've planned in the past has gone wrong so whole idea of planning anything was something I tried to think little about.
Its hard to think anything is ever going to happen when you can hardly get out of bed but I was getting bored with doing the same things over & over so I started thinking about what I used to do.
I never thought I'd have to do that again either when I was younger I wrote alot of fanfictions again something I tried to put to the back of my mind I found my old whattpadd along with a fanfic from 2015 that was never complete so I decided to change it up & see if I could make something out of it.
People have been so nice about it even reading my old stuff & commenting on that as well the story isn't all there & pretty basic but the fact people are enjoying it means everything. After not being able to read & write for so many years writing scared me for such a long time. I started blog writing,that I plan to continue but Fanfiction is when I'm really in what I feel is my element it gives me more joy that most things do.
My biggest passions are T.V/Film,writing,reading & spreading awareness (for many things but mostly ME)
My sort of plan I dont want to make a definite one because I never know what my health will do. I dont think my health will get any worse but I do know that I still can't do much so I need to be careful with what I do & don't do.
Right now I want to keep reading & writing a much as possible, I also want to work on my grammar & spelling because Its quite bad after not having wrote for years.
I'd also like to find some sort of volunteer work to do at some point if I feel like this would help me mentally because I'd feel like I was doing something for someone & that would lift my spirits up
I also want to take a performing arts course or something similar at some point I've done a few online film courses bit its not the same as doing it with a group of people doing exactly the same as you.
I think if I'm ever able to work I would have to do a part time job somewhere as I don't think I will ever be able to work full time. I'm hoping to find a part time job in something I enjoy rather than something I don't I'm not exactly sure what I would want to do but there's plenty on time to figure that out.
I don't know what's going to happen to me but I do have some sort of idea of what I want out of life raising awareness for ME is one of my top priorities so hopefully I'll find a way to do that some how & I hope that whatever happens the person I was when I got ill would understand why things don't happen the way you want them to. I don't expect alot of myself & I don't think anyone else really does but if I can make myself proud to me that is all that counts
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