The past few month's have been really weird I've questioned everything and the one thing I believed in got taken away from me.
I suddenly had the realizaztion that as much I wanted it no-one was coming to "save me" & that no-one wants to wait around for a sick person because why would you? I would I'd wait forever if I had to but I see the world alot differently to most people & most people don't understand me at all.
All the work I did to try&get better seemed pointless because what was the point in anything if I couldn't guarantee anything then all the thoughts about no-one ever loving me or wanting me around because I'm ill&tbh this is probably mostly true but I realized that you can't use someone else your motivation to want to get better.
Fairy tales don't exist as much as I'd been telling myself they did because it made me feel better pretending that things are that simple. Hans from the Southern Isles or the man at the start of Enchanted before he stops being grumpy are probably the most realistic Disney men. (No offence)
I stopped believing in anything,especially love,I started telling myslef that maybe I should just dedicate my life to working&atleast get a decent job but then realized that that wasn't gonna make me happy in the slightest and neither was buying a ton of pets and living alone.
Like I said whos gonna love a sick person?
I'll tell you who anyone who's stuck around long enough & loved you regardless of what you've been through stucking with you through every bad day&sleepless night. They will and they always will regardless of what happens. So will other ill people they will appreciate how hard you work & everything you've been through,you'll be able to go through things together and although it might be harder you'll alot happier.
might get rejected alot & not just by people but by places,but I've realised lately that that's just because I'm associating myslef with the wrong people or places.
you're not unlovable just because your sick.You're definitely not a burden &you shouldn't feel like you are.
I might chronically ill but I'm so much more than just a sick person I have ambitions,plans,places I wanna go&people I wanna see/meet.
I don't need anyone right now apart from my family & the very few friends who have stuck around who I appreciate & love more than anything I've got a long way to go but I know I can do it if that means doing it mostly alone that's what I'll do because lifes not that simple,I've gotta do this mostly alone obviously with the help of people around me but most of it has to be me I know I can do it.
Its a slow process but I know it's possible& other than being happy nothing else matters & I am happy,I wont end up lonely because I have do many incredible people surrounding me who I know will never leave me&who I know will always love me so everythings gonna be okay.
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