Grades don't define you

Days like this always seem to hard for me you know results days&proms ans whatever watching people be normal & be normal teenagers,for me its the thought that she school didn't believe that I could achieve anything despite being ill & the fact that everyone deserves to have the same chances no matter who they are I know I wrote a bog blog post on all this the other day

 but It makes me really angry which is why I'm more determined than ever to start up my own school for sick kids, also I've realized over the past few years there's more important  than being graded. I believe all this has made me a better person this is gonna sound creepy but I've had the chance to watch people

when your out & can't walk around you notice more you notice children playing the noises around you & hear peoples conversations about their days,kids,friends or lives & sometimes you hear there funny storys & for a few seconds you feel like you know them. I've also had the chance to find out about  other peoples ways of life people who have it worse off then me & people who are struggling just as much as I am.

It's given my life more than a meaning,one of my favourite Harry Potter quotes is "There's more important things than being clever like friendship and Bravery" I can't remember what Harry Potter it's from only that Hermione says it to Ron at some point. I believe this to be true because you can be smart,have a posh house well paid job  but be a horrible person who has no friends or family around as long as you're a good person ot dosnet matter what you end up doing because you'll always have alot of friends& family around you supporting you through wherever life takes you.


Over the past few years I've been in alpt of & fandoms and I've been a very loyal person in these fandoms,I've learnt alot from that & found joy in simple things like editing &I think I've become alot better at it over the years especially from when I started,grades don't define who you are and it doesn't  matter what age you do stuff or in what order another

1 of my favourite quotes is "you're never to old to dream a new dream". This is also true people do things at all ages so just because eveyone else is doing something you shouldn't feel bad about the fact you're not it dosnet mean you cant or won't do it it just means It's gonna take a little longer which will make it even sweeter when you achieve it.

Also as it took longer you have every right to celebrate even harder than eveyone else. I've learnt that just because some people never gave me a chance or believed in me it doesn't mean I shouldn't believe in me &
 alot of people do believe in me, no matter what anyone tells you
grades don't define you or who you are.

My school life & what I plan to change about for sick people

 I was watching lose women earlier cuz Pop put it on to watch the chaser and his wife & they had a story on about 2 mums who were rasing money for a disabled school and 1 of the things 1 of them said was that at a normal school her & ger family were constantly being told what he would never be able to do but at this disabled school they tailored what they taught to the  needs and had each goal as a small one that they could manage. I know its a completely different story but what she said

 reminded me of my school life especially towards the end teachers would put me in rooms alone & make me do tests that I clearly couldn't do,then when they couldn't handle me because they couldn't be bothered to try and help they just kicked me out. I've got alot of self confidence issues along with the fear that people don't want me around anymore  which I'm pretty sure are both mostly related to school and

 how they treated me,it would have been easy for them to come up with some sort of programme that gave me all I needed and taught me eveything I needed to know in a way where I could cope. I'm forever seeing adverts or appeals to help African kids get an education and one of the things they always say is that eveyone deserves an education and that's completely right so why is it right for them to treat me like that? It's not,

I feel really strongly that no matter who you are you deserve to be taught in a way that's tailored for you just like I do with myself now I can finally learn again you shouldn't take the power of an education away from anyone I might not be the smartest person but I still have passions& I still want to do well at whatever I end up doing & now I can read & write again no-one can stop me.

This year I learnt that I'm not alone in my battle with school
I speak to alot of chronically ill people who have or have had problems with schools faling to understand what its like to be sick but want to learn no matter how much yoy try ti tell these people they just don't get it,I sat in a room full of kids this year about 200

 All like me & I can't understand that just because someones diffrent or has different needs why should that stop them from having all the opportunities a normal kid does? I never got picked for anything at school, developed a passion for acting in year 6 (even tho I was incredibly shy) no-one gave me the opportunity to come out of my shell at the end of school play someone got ill & they had to pick another person to play her part I knew I knew all the lines this person had and as I only had 2 lines so I was excited becuase for some reason I thought i'd get picked yet because I was a sickly kid I wasn't.

I'm gonna wrap this up now cuz it's a way to long & I'm not sure it makes sense but my point is no-one should be able to treat you like you don't matter no-one should be able to take your education,passions or love for life away from you no-one should be able to tell you what you can and can't do I don't want anyone in the future having to sit down and write something like this I want people to know that others are going through or have been through the same.

Whatever I wanted before I don't want do much anymore but I want to set up a school for chronically ill kids  (or anyone who's ill with whatever it might be) the school system sucks so we won't stick to it & you only have to work an hour a day or whatever you can do Friday there's no school or school trips&Thursday is therapy/self care day because lifes hard & you need a break but you also need company (this includes art therapy,and any other therapy that might be needed and just doing whatever you want for however long you want to stay for) I also plan ro have a sleep/rest room incase eveything gets to much oh and lots if cake because cake makes eveything better

My swan princess live action cast for the Espionage cosmetics Swan Princess grand giveaway

Swan Princess live  Link:https://gleam.io/aek4j/the-swan-princess-grand-giveaway

Young Odette:Mckenna Grace

Reason:As I was trying to think of people to put down for all the charcters Mckenna came to mind fora young Odette,she's such an amazing actress&seems to get better in every single thing she gets cast in&she has the right hair so that's a bonus.

Young Derek:Neel Sethi (Mowgli)

Reason: I  thought was I did a young Odette I should probably do a young Derek I thought about this for quite a while,all the young male actors I could think of have long grown up&are young adults or teenagers now. Then I remembered how amazing I thought Neel was in the jungle book,as I couldn't think of anyone else he seemed to fit.

Odette: Lily James/Jennifer Morrison

Reason:Lily already has expirence at playing a princess (Cinderella) & she played this role really well. I also choose Jennifer Morrison as I just think she's amazing actress & also has some experience at playing a princess.



Derek:Sebastian Stan

Reason: I found trying to pick a Derek really hard but my once upon a time obsession led me row Sebastian who played the mad hatter in the show there was a sense of mystery to the way he played the mad hatter and I think in tbr early films Derek is kind of mysterious as he always seems to be hiding something or planning something to defeat someone.



Rogers: Jim Carrey

Reason:Simple,Jim's hilarious and I think he'd make a brilliant Rogers


Jean~bob: Eddie murphy (Donkey shrek) Reason: Eddie made a really funny & believable Donkey in all 4 Shrek films&its a voice people will connect with comedy. I Also think Donkey is slightly  similar to Jean~Bob so this could work quite well.


Puffin:Jack Black
Reason:I just love Jack Black&again its a voice people will be able to recognize

Speed:Mike Myers
reason:I think he made a really funny Shrek & would be be able to use that in this. again its a voice people will know

Rothbart: Robert Carlyle
Reason:Robert was the 1st and only person who came to mind when it  came to thinking about who I should put down for RothBart he plays such a believable Rumplestilskin in ABC's once upon a time and would make the perfect RothBart


Chamberlain: Timothy Spall (Nathaniel enchanted)

Reason:Loved Timothy in Enchanted and I think he'd make a really convincing Chamberlain

Bromley:James Cordon

Reason: I love James Cordon he's really funny and a great comedy actor as well as presenter.

Uberta:Helen Bonham Carter

Reason:She plays the queen of hearts in such a way that reminds me of Uberta,I'm not exactly sure why but I think she's the right choice.

Love,ilness & what I've learnt

The past few month's have been really weird I've questioned everything and the one thing I believed in got taken away from me.
I suddenly had the realizaztion that as much I wanted it no-one was coming to "save me" & that no-one wants to wait around for a sick person because why would you? I would I'd wait forever if I had to but I see the world alot differently to most people & most people don't understand me at all.

All the work I did to try&get better seemed pointless because what was the point in anything if I couldn't guarantee anything then all the thoughts about no-one ever loving me or wanting me around because I'm ill&tbh this is probably mostly true but I realized that you can't use someone  else  your motivation to want to get better.

 Fairy tales don't exist as much as I'd been telling myself they did because it made me feel better pretending that things are that simple. Hans from the Southern Isles or the man at the start of Enchanted before he stops being grumpy are probably the most realistic Disney men. (No offence)

I stopped believing in anything,especially love,I started telling myslef that maybe I should just dedicate my life to working&atleast get a decent job but then realized that that wasn't gonna make me happy in the slightest and neither was buying a ton of pets and living alone.

 Like I said whos gonna love a sick person?
I'll tell you who anyone who's stuck around long enough & loved you regardless of what you've been through stucking with you through every bad day&sleepless night. They will and they always will regardless of what happens. So will other ill people they will appreciate how hard you work & everything you've been through,you'll be able to go through things together and although it might be harder you'll  alot happier.

might get rejected alot & not just by people but by places,but I've realised lately that that's just because I'm associating myslef with the wrong people or places.
 you're not unlovable just because your sick.You're definitely not a burden &you shouldn't feel like you are.
I might  chronically ill but I'm so much more than just a sick person I have ambitions,plans,places I wanna go&people I wanna see/meet.

I don't need anyone right now apart from my family & the very few friends who have stuck around who I appreciate & love more than anything I've got a long way to go but I know I can do it if that means doing it mostly alone that's what I'll do because lifes not that simple,I've gotta do this mostly alone obviously with the help of people around me but most of it has to be me I know I can do it.

Its a slow process but I know it's possible& other than being happy nothing else matters & I am happy,I wont end up lonely because I have do many incredible people surrounding me who I know will never leave me&who I know will always love me so everythings gonna be okay.

Royally undercover film review

Welcome to my first ever film review or review of anything,because of the chronic fatigue I still struggle to write so this could all go wrong&make no sense at all but I'm hoping it'll work even if it means It's super short. 

My 3 favourite things about this film were the 

*humour, 

*everyone coming together

*&the world/story being shown through the eyes of a child. 

My reasons for my choices would be

1)This ones simple,eveyone needs a laugh once in a while,laughter is the best medicine & I laughed through this entire film.

2) It's important to feel like you have a sense of belonging especially for a child,I think seeing people come together gives you that. Seeing the good people or the goodness of people is also really important to show children (or anyone who needs reminding) so they see that not eveyones a bad person especially with eveything that's gone on in the world lately. It's also important to start teaching kindness at a young age & showing people come together teaches kids to come together,talk to each other,hopefully play nicely and fight. 

3) I think showing a story of a series of storys through the eyes of a child or having children as the main charcters gives the story a completely different  view to the one that would be seen if it was or was mostly shown through the eyes of an adult. Children have very diffrent views to adults,their still learning about the world & won't understand as much an adult so in a way it makes it more innocent. The part  after Alise discovers Antonio dosent really love Uberta is a prime example of this because she's so innocent & honestly has no clue why he's treating her the way he is when he doesn't  mean it in the slightest (until she works out his plan) 

Family&friendship was also a gigantic part of this film.

Towards the end of the film the adults start to get more involved in what's actually been going on and you start to see thier emotions & how upset they become when they think someone they love is in danger, so many films seem to focus on just the love of one main couple rather than the love of family&friends. 

 Love of friendship is shown from the entire film &the 2nd adventure Lucas&Elise share at the start they have times where they are competing to be tbe better spy but towards the end they begin working more as a team&complimenting eachother rather than laughing at the others mistakes. 

Overall I thoroughly enjoyed this film&would recommend it to anyone,reading this back I seem to have mostly have focused on children&the feelings of a child but I think any adult could sit down,watch this with or without a child & be able to take something away from it.

SHHHH

I have sensory problems with loud noises& lights its alot better than it was but I still struggle if people get to loud or if there's to many noises going on,its the same with bright flashing lights or to much light but this isn't as much of an issue as I can just shut my eyes,

although people in the past after me having told them mu problem have given my tips for my ears and for noise I still struggle a great deal.
You think its getting better but then you realize its not,right now I'm worried that it's always gonna be the same,its not just the noise
its also the stress that comes with it,I get scared & even with music or ear plugs if YOU or your MUSIC ect ...
are over a certain volume I CAN STILL HEAR YOU. I'm writing this right now

because I don't think some people realize how much it effects me so pleasse when being around me pleasse keep this in mind,or even just whilst your out have it in mind that some people have difficulty with even the simplilist things. Pleasse be aware that I don't wanna ruin your fun&I get that its hard to keep your kids under a certain volume but there's ways you can and ways you should.

Sickness,school&work

Whenever the whole university or job conversation comes up it totally skips me&moves onto my younger sister once again I'm left feeling no~one cares about my future cuz no-one ever seems to want to discuss it with me. In my mind I'm thinking that they don't seem to think I have a future past all this,I went on later that day to discuss my thoughts with one of my best friends who told me that I can't judge myself on them or anyone else who I feel is doing better than me because there not me,she also said that even tho I'd obviously perfer not to be sick I can use this to inspire people and also that because of all this I'll probably end up proving everyone wrong. I went away and thought about this quite deeply I also came to the conclusion that due to all this

 I've also got alot of sympathy in ways that I know they won't  ever have or be able to relate to,not saying there not decent people cuz they are but they have come out with things in the past that I find quite offensive,I probably got mad at the time but its down to lack of understanding. I've also been able to experience other people's ways of life that are alot worse than mine,and got to be around some of the nicest people yet the ones who are struggling the most. This has given me a totally different way of thinking,one that I know I  wouldn't want to be taken away from me if I had the chance, I've been truly inspired and touched by these people,their stories&their positivity again something that they won't ever have.

As for school and jobs I'll get there,I'm excited about getting back into learning,it fills me with alot of joy. I've decided that I won't settle until I get somewhere I'm not only happy with but somewhere I know I want to stay for the rest of my life it has to something I'm excited about doing,I want to go to bed everynight having enjoyed my day I don't wanna be one of those adults who comes home moaning because they hate thier job I wanna come home or be at home being excited about what I've been doing/am doing. I also know that I'll get bored with only one project on the go so I plan to have a few on the go at once,maybe a part time job&the art stuff.

I've considered maybe volunteering somewhere or even having more than one business (as long as I know there both gonna work&trying might be fun anyway) I might be sick&I'll never be your average person but I deserve my rights like eveyone else.

I'm gonna have to push and somehow make my own way but I'm sure I can do it it'll just be a very slow process but even if I'm at retirement age& I get somewhere atleast I'll have made it. Right now all that matters is that I do everything I can to get better&be the best person I know I can be.